Funny cross stitch patterns
Every chart in the shop — 93 of them. Counted cross stitch, instant PDF download, real DMC floss numbers.
Absolutely Not
"Absolutely Not" — 15 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 15 colours
Bad Hair Day
"Permanent Bad Hair Day" — 15 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 15 colours
Blood Type Coffee
"Blood Type Coffee" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Boo Hoo
"Boo Hoo" — 8 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 8 colours
Bread Tax
"Pay The Bread Tax" — 15 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 15 colours
Can't See Problems
"Cannot See My Problems" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Change Is Coming
"Change Is Coming" — 12 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 12 colours
Chaos Goblin
"Certified Chaos Goblin" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Chaotic
"Chaotic By Nature" — 10 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 10 colours
Cutting Ties
"Cutting Ties" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Dead Inside
"Dead Inside Blooming Outside" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Do Not Disturb
"Do Not Disturb" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Do Not Perceive Me
"Do Not Perceive Me" — 15 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 15 colours
Drawn To The Dark
"Drawn To The Dark" — 10 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 10 colours
Dressed For Dinner
"Always Dressed For Dinner" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Elegant But Violent
"Elegant But Violent" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Feral But Friendly
"Feral But Friendly" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Finders Keepers
"Finders Keepers" — 15 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 15 colours
Five More Minutes
"Five More Minutes" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Following Nobody
"Following Nobody" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Freshly Baked
"Freshly Baked" — 15 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 15 colours
Frogged Again
"Frogged It Again" — 15 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 15 colours
Fungi
"A Fun Guy To Be Around" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Gourd Damn
"Oh My Gourd" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Hanging In There
"Hanging In There" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Hat Of Opinions
"Full Of Strong Opinions" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Holding Hands
"We Hold Hands So We Do Not Drift" — 12 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 12 colours
I Am Bread
"I Am Bread" — 8 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 8 colours
I Am Helping
"I Am Helping" — 16 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 16 colours
I Built This
"I Built This" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
I Earned This
"I Earned This" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
I Eat Problems
"I Eat Problems" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
I Eat The Bugs
"I Eat The Bugs You Hate" — 9 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 9 colours
I Forgot Where
"I Forgot Where I Put Them" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
I Helped
"I Helped" — 12 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 12 colours
I Meant To Do That
"I Meant To Do That" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
I Saw Something
"I Saw Something" — 8 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 8 colours
I Tried
"I Tried My Best" — 12 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 12 colours
I Will Bite You
"I Will Bite You" — 8 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 8 colours
I'll Wait
"I Can Wait" — 12 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 12 colours
I'm Fine
"I Am Completely Fine" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
If I Fits
"If I Fits I Sits" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Lamp
"Lamp" — 16 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 16 colours
Leave It
"Leave It" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Leave Me Alone
"Leave Me Alone" — 8 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 8 colours
Leave Me Here
"Just Leave Me Here" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Low Maintenance
"Gloriously Low Maintenance" — 9 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 9 colours
Mind Your Business
"Mind Your Own Beeswax" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Mine Mine Mine
"Mine Mine Mine" — 10 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 10 colours
Moo-d Swings
"Moo D Swings" — 15 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 15 colours
Morning Person
"Not A Morning Person" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Mortgage Free
"Mortgage Free" — 15 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 15 colours
Multitasking
"Multitasking" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
My House Now
"This Is My House Now" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Nevermore Coffee
"Nevermore Before Coffee" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Night Shift
"On The Night Shift" — 16 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 16 colours
No Brain No Problems
"No Brain No Problems" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
No Drama
"No Drama Llama" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
No Self Control
"I Have No Self Control" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
No Touching
"Absolutely No Touching" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Nope O'Clock
"It Is Nope O Clock" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Not Today
"Not Today" — 12 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 12 colours
Outlook Not Good
"Outlook Not Good" — 16 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 16 colours
Overdramatic
"Slightly Overdramatic" — 12 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 12 colours
Patience
"Patience Is A Weapon" — 10 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 10 colours
Peak Performance
"Peak Performance" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Prickly
"Prickly But Pleasant" — 15 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 15 colours
Professionally Adorable
"Professionally Adorable" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Rent Free
"Living Here Rent Free" — 9 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 9 colours
Rude
"Frankly Rude" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Sideways
"Sideways Through Life" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Slow Progress
"Slow Progress Is Progress" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Slow and Furious
"Slow And Furious" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Small But Angry
"Small But Angry" — 16 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 16 colours
Snacks For Later
"Snacks For Later" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Sneaky
"Sneaky Little Thing" — 9 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 9 colours
Soft Inside
"Sharp Outside Soft Inside" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Spooky Season
"It Is Spooky Season" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Spore Loser
"Spore Loser" — 12 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 12 colours
Standing On Business
"Standing On Business" — 14 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 14 colours
Still Reaching
"Still Reaching" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Still Tired
"Slept Nine Hours Still Tired" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Stubborn And Proud
"Stubborn And Proud" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
Territorial
"This Is My Garden" — 13 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 13 colours
This Is Fine
"This Is Fine" — 15 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 15 colours
Thriving
"Absolutely Thriving" — 16 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 16 colours
Touch Grass
"Touch Grass" — 16 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 16 colours
Trash Panda
"Trash Panda Supreme" — 9 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 9 colours
Unbothered
"Completely Unbothered" — 11 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 11 colours
Unicorn Of The Sea
"Unicorn Of The Sea" — 9 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 9 colours
Who Asked
"Who Asked" — 16 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 16 colours
Wide Awake
"Wide Awake At Three Am" — 8 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 8 colours
Worth It
"Worth It" — 16 colours, whole cross stitch only
$6.00 · Standard · 130×130 · 16 colours
Browse by collection
Nine shelves, and all of them grow. If you are shopping for somebody else, the collection is usually the fastest way in: a cat person wants cat cross stitch patterns, a gardener wants plants and mushrooms, and somebody who already stitches wants the ones about stitching.
- Funny Cat Cross Stitch Patterns — Loaf, box, knocked something over, and absolutely no remorse.
- Woodland Animal Cross Stitch Patterns — Opossums, foxes, sloths, raccoons and other feral friends.
- Funny Bird Cross Stitch Patterns — Crows, geese, gulls, and one deeply unimpressed owl.
- Gothic Cross Stitch Patterns — Skeletons, ghosts, skulls in flower crowns, and one bad fortune.
- Plant & Mushroom Cross Stitch Patterns — Toadstools, monstera, and one that did not make it.
- Moth & Bee Cross Stitch Patterns — Moths, bees, snails and one very friendly spider.
- Frog Cross Stitch Patterns — Amphibians with opinions.
- Sea Creature Cross Stitch Patterns — Pufferfish, octopus, narwhal, crab.
- Cross Stitch Patterns About Cross Stitch — For the person actually holding the needle.
Are these suitable for a beginner?
Yes, and deliberately so. Every chart here is whole cross stitch only. There is no backstitch to outline, no quarter or three-quarter stitches to fudge, and no french knots. If you can sew one X over one square of aida, you can finish any pattern in this shop. The smaller charts run around a hundred stitches square, which is an evening or two.
What arrives when I buy one?
A PDF, straight away. It holds the colour chart, the same chart in black and white symbols for printing, a floss key with real DMC shade numbers and skein counts, and the finished size on 14, 16 and 18-count aida. Nothing is posted to you, and nothing expires — how it works has the longer version.